Private Nook

I left my childhood with a bag of goodies that would help me get along in this world.  As I pick through my bag, looking for the right thing that will help me in this situation I find some sparkles, some fluffy, cuddly things and some half eaten bag of chips.  I slowly realize that the bag i once felt so useful is more like a cozy blanket that does nothing besides providing a false comfort.

I look around and everyone seems to have a bags full of shiny tools that help them pave a solid pathway to happiness and wholeness.  Not only do they have tools but they know how to use them.

I run down to the water to reflect.  I run like a child, falling awkwardly, bumping my shins on random objects until I arrive all scuffed and dirty.  My hair is knotted, my teeth crooked and I can’t seem to see clearly through my watery eyes and the matte of hair hanging there.

I start to look along the shore, ignoring the shiny reflection of the water for pretty shells and rocks that I collect and throw in my useless bag.  I seem trapped in a repetitive cycle of distraction refusing to reflect or to find the real me.

I stop at the waters edge.  I see something flicker in my reflection.  I feel something swoon in my head.  I hid something in there a long time ago.  What was it?  I feel movement that makes me dizzy.  All of the sudden i feel a big wet shoe in my mouth.  It is pushing to get out.  I open my mouth and a girl covered in a proverbial goo comes falling out.  She looks like I did so long ago.  I ask her if she’s okay but she does not speak.  She scurries away to find a dark crevice.

I leave her there as I am too confused to understand and look to the sand for more pretty things.

The last time I went to Mexico I spent awhile mastering the boogie board as I have found that I am terrified of huge waves (and by huge I mean anything larger than a ripple).  So there I was getting tossed around, upside down, sideways and headfirst into the sand by three foot waves crashing into the shore.  I was getting frustrated and scared.  Erik told me to just stand up, for God’s sake it’s only two feet deep!

And so I did.  I stood up.

Here I am getting pummeled by waves of emotion that send me spinning, upside-down, sideways and yet here I am letting myself eat sand instead of standing up.  I am gladly throwing myself into the ride of the waves, being taken into the loveliness of the smooth, refreshing emotions letting them caress me, carry me…. and wondering why i’m drowning with a mouth full of sand.

But where are your legs within this analogy?  I’ve seemed to have lost them along the way… or forgotten completely how to use them.

Maybe I am really a mermaid!  and if that’s true, then all i have to master is breathing under the water with sand in my mouth….

is a perspective.

You watch it as it grows within.  The appreciation of the world around.  You’re held in captivation as you look toward it in awe.

I have watched beauty grow out of homeliness.  A boy who seemed lost and failed showed himself to me and blossomed into a beautiful soul and though i don’t know him today, i know that he is still beautiful.

I have watched it disappear in death.   My grandmother, the saint of my world, died and i took all the pictures of her i could find to make a shrine of the most beautiful person in the world and found only pictures of an old woman looking back at me… all the beauty was lost when the energy of my grandmother was gone.

Beauty is a perspective that is shown when your heart opens.

Love, then, is an expansion of the beauty… as you identify, accept and hold that beauty love encompasses the heart.

She’s standing in my way. Not letting me thru. Who is she? She stands in between of me and my dreams always distracting me from my path. She is waving a scrumptious treat in the air that will inevitably disrupt my path to good health. She is lusting over something yummy that I want too… do i give in to the temptations and wait for “next time” to assert some self control or do I fall into a good time… fall into the lust.
Everytime I make a statement, a goal, she is there staring me down in anticipation of the fall.  I won’t fall this time, its different.  I am determined.

Daydreams of cherry blossoms, sunny days, tequila and loud laughter overwhelm my senses as a cookie is dangled under my nose. No, i say. and then i regret even though i feel powerful and strong.

and then in the dark, silence abounds and i am daydreaming again about the cookie she stood there holding for me.

Just a taste, i say.

I’ve often admired people who can be so open and honest about their love.  I can think of a few people who inspire me to open my heart.  Unfortunately its not always as easy as it seems.  I have defensive triggers that slam the door to feelings of the heart.  That overwhelming sense of passion and adoration that accompanies a relationship/friendship when you’re so thankful of the connection.  Yes, that wonderfully warm and fulfilling feeling often turns cold in me as a sort of defense mechanism to assure my survival…. survival of what i’m not sure but i know i mastered this during my childhood and now i can’t seem to knock it.

I had a dream last night about the love of my life.  It was an ordinary dream with extraordinary feelings.  I felt love as i remember it but it stayed with me and didn’t shut off at random intervals.  I was overwhelmed with the feelings of gratefulness, appreciation and complete infatuation as i should be.  I woke up knowing what could be… and now i just have to find out how to get there in my awake state.

There  are moments when i’ve had these feelings but they never stay and i haven’t mastered how to overcome the wall that falls down between me and my heart.  I just have to keep squinting hoping that someday i’ll speak the magic words and the wall will shatter away forever.

Last night I went to Bikram yoga (which I absolutely love!) and afterwards the instructor encourages you to take at least two minutes or more to relax, eyes closed to absorb all the movements that you recently endured while focusing on JUST your breathing.  Letting your mind be still.

I found myself pleading with my mind, “don’t rush off, just stay with me here quietly” It was like talking to a lover who is distracted by something in the peripheral while you’re trying to appreciate their loveliness.  I was begging myself to stay, to hold on, to have faith while I appreciated my strength or my thoughtfulness or my love.

After the class (or should I say after I snickered at myself for having to plead myself into meditation?) I was struck with a thought.  I thought about when you’re actually with someone intimately sharing a moment and you catch yourself wondering what it is the other person is really thinking… it creates an undertone of tension as you will never really know.  But when you’re caught in your self made dichotomy, you really know what it is you’ve distracted yourself with… and you forgive yourself immediately and come back to your shared moment.  All tension is  removed.

just sharing a quiet moment with yourself….

One of my favorite websites www.mercola.com emails me almost daily about left leaning politics relating to health. I love his stuff and although i don’t read every one of his emails, i often reflect on the eye-catching stories that are inline with MY interests (of course)

Anyhow- one of the GMO articles that I fell across when sailing the webpages of his work was this 90! minute video WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW GMO. I was so devastated only half way through the video that I had to walk away or else be sucked into a hopeless vapor cloud.

How do you create hope after this kind of assault on human kind and mother earth? I’m at a loss…. Do you start adding up all the little things like “i recycle” and “i re-use” and “i ride the bus… or bike”? in order to feel better? or do you investigate EVERY SINGLE ITEM that goes down your throat or grow your own only to realize that it is probably unknowingly contaminated with GMO grain? I’m not really sure.

Something I AM sure of: if there are enough people behind one cause, a loud enough voice to scream above all else CHANGE HAPPENS.

I know that the word “pray” can have a negative effect for some people but when I say the word, envision people who have the same idea in mind. People who are thinking change needs to happen. Change our method of travel to something that doesn’t require gas, change our ethical treatment of people’s rights, change our minds about the fast food we eat…. if we’re all thinking of making change, our energy changes around the subjects of change and we attract like energy. When i say pray, i mean change your energy to create change and make it known. like people and like energy will find you and aggregate. aggregates will form and change will happen.

so, pray with me for change. our energy will unite and make the unethical dissipate until there is only ethical, humane treatment of ourselves, our neighbors and our earth.

This weekend I watched Thank you for Smoking and Who killed the Electric Car both of which cast an eerie light on the state of our Union.

There was a day when Big Tobacco had a strong hand in politics. In fact, it helped to grow our country. Our country was essentially founded upon tobacco- it’s even on our currency! It wasn’t until public awareness grew around the health issues of tobacco that change started SLOWLY taking place. And we haven’t seen the last of them yet.. but they are on the decline! YAY, us!

Watching both the films made me think of how deeply entrenched our government is with OIL and PHARMACEUTICALS. So deeply, in fact that they find ways to deceive us into thinking we NEED these items. They keep us sick with food that has no nourishment and then creates pills that we can take that will cure one symptom but create many more. They keep us addicted to gas/oil by refusing the creation/mass production of vehicles that work just as well without. But we conquered this before with Big Tobacco… it’s just a matter of time, as our public grows aware, as we look in our hearts and we see the truth which is that our earth is our health and our health is our earth.

a quote from Ani Difranco- that i love and sums up Big Business/Government vs The people and how it feels today:

but I love this city, this state
this country is too large
and whoever's in charge up there
had better take the elevator down
and put more than change in our cup
or else we
are coming
up

I went to Mexico last spring and had an amazing journey. Some of you may remember my email that flagged my frustration at the pharmaceutical companies and our country for the quenching of a viable cure for many diseases and disorders. I’ll remind you:

Here’s the story about how I heard of ozone therapy:

I was recently visiting Mexico, a small town north of Puerto Vallarta; Punta de Mita. I found a wonderful B&B http://www.posadaparaiso.com/ owned by a gracious Mexican woman who introduced me to some wonderful people, places and pets.
One of the people she introduced me to simply asked me what i did for a living and instead of giving the polite, abbreviated version i went into a little bit more detail revealing that i work in infectious disease research specifically on fungus.
he seemed very surprised and excited… he then asked if i had ever heard of ozone therapy. I had to admit that i had never heard of such a thing- he went onto explain that he had recently been afflicted with a fungal infection and almost died- he got down to about 110lbs (for a decent sized man, this wouldn’t be ideal!) the fungus was unidentified and he did not respond to antifungal medications- he was then introduced to ozone therapy-
he is now free of infection and healthier than ever.
i was very excited and started researching this “ozone therapy” the moment i got home.
My first question was about the person who discovered the “ozone therapy” idea- this man, Otto Warburberg, won the Nobel Prize in medicine in 1933 for this profound research- and yet, somehow i had never heard of this technique which seems very simple and non-invasive.
My next quest was to look into research that is more current than the 30’s…
I found research being done all over the globe that was having profound success in almost every microbial infection, virus and cancer growths. However, the research keeps getting shut down for various reasons…. the government shuts it down, the doctors get arrested, and the paperwork disappears…
Apparently the drug companies couldn’t survive if ozone therapy was accepted as a legitimate therapy.
Some of the research that is out there shows COMPLETE RECOVERY FROM HIV IN 30 DAYS!
My last question was where in the world could i get ozone treatment if needed:
I found some interesting stuff- I hear, but haven’t found that Cuba is taking the lead with ozone therapy yet there are other places such as the beautiful facility in Tijuana that specializes in Ozone treatments for cancer patients. There are also some alternative medical practices in Chicago and Texas.
I thought for a moment that I might get lucky since i feel i am in the heart of alternative medicine being so close to Bastyr University…. but I found NOTHING except an article on someone else’s website where some people with Bastyr were implicated when a doctor in Florida was arrested for practicing ozone therapy.
to top the cake…. some of the people i work with were schmoozing with a drug company hoping to gain funding for research talks… but the drug company admits that infectious disease is not very interesting since the patients either die or get cured… and this is bad because the drug company can’t HOOK THE PATIENT TO THEIR DRUG FOREVER.

I couldn’t help get a little nauseated and frustrated that the research I do is for people that are VERY sick and there is a possible cure they can’t have.

Here are some links on the subject:

http://www.oxygenhealingtherapies.com/my_ozone_doctor.com.html
http://www.ozonetherapy.co.uk/articles/Warburg_The_Prime_Cause_of_Cancer.htm

http://www.oxygenhealingtherapies.com/pro_ozone.html#politics

http://www.thefinchleyclinic.com/shop/oxygentherapy-c-2.html

http://www.thefinchleyclinic.co.uk/nojavascript/therapies/ozone/aids.htm

http://www.cancertutor.com/Cancer/Ozone.html

let me know your thoughts- I’m very intrigued!

Love always-

Camille

in continuation:

I have learned that if you ozonate the air around us you create deadly toxins (this is where the FDA finds trouble with ozone treatments) however, if you ozonate pure oxygen the result is pure ozone- which is the curing agent. Our bodies have methods of disposing of the extra “O” from ozone (which is a combination of three Oxygen molecules) whereas cancerous cells, viruses and microbes cannot deal with “ROS” (Reactive Oxygen Species- the extra “O”)

I went to the Bodies exhibit a couple months ago and I found the capillary system to be absolutely stunning.  The density, complexity and far reaching capabilities of the intricate web of a system that allows oxygen and nutrients to travel to the outermost places of our bodies as well as remove the toxins that build up in our crevices… it just twists the mind.

I walk home through a beautiful neighborhood full of trees.  I was looking up one day and realized the capillary system of the tree was fully visible with the leaves of summer long gone.  My mind made a comparison between the capillaries of the body and the tree.

Later, as I was mulling over my comparison, I watched Deepak Chopra on John Stewart talking about his latest book.  He was talking of the moment of death and created an analogy where you are surrounded by your house, your home and in death the walls disappear.  Your essence is still there but now it is all encompassing.  You are everywhere.

I realized that the tree capillary system looks to me like us with our skin pealed off, we are gripping the earth with our feet and reaching out with our capillaries trying to heal the earth.  Providing nourishment and removing toxins…. maybe the trees tell of souls that refuse to give up in their healing…..  or maybe they are the civilizations of the past that have evolved into a constant meditation that deepens as the earth evolves…. in any case, the capillaries are just too similar to take as coincidence.

Pan’s Labyrinth was a beautifully dark movie. Sharp with violence and rich with stunning visuals.

Apocalypto was an adventure! A thought provoking essence mixed with political devastation. It stuck with me for a week and left me quiet/thoughtful.

Eragon while definitely PG was still a fun, mystical story that left me wanting to ride a dragon…. or maybe just cuddle with one (I got a little dizzy thinking of flying hundreds of feet in the air without a seatbelt!)
I tried picking up a book this weekend but ended up in a puzzle or hamburger origami… don’t ask… a Uwajimaya find is all I can say!

All and all, a popcorn weekend.

Where were you?