I’ve often admired people who can be so open and honest about their love. I can think of a few people who inspire me to open my heart. Unfortunately its not always as easy as it seems. I have defensive triggers that slam the door to feelings of the heart. That overwhelming sense of passion and adoration that accompanies a relationship/friendship when you’re so thankful of the connection. Yes, that wonderfully warm and fulfilling feeling often turns cold in me as a sort of defense mechanism to assure my survival…. survival of what i’m not sure but i know i mastered this during my childhood and now i can’t seem to knock it.
I had a dream last night about the love of my life. It was an ordinary dream with extraordinary feelings. I felt love as i remember it but it stayed with me and didn’t shut off at random intervals. I was overwhelmed with the feelings of gratefulness, appreciation and complete infatuation as i should be. I woke up knowing what could be… and now i just have to find out how to get there in my awake state.
There are moments when i’ve had these feelings but they never stay and i haven’t mastered how to overcome the wall that falls down between me and my heart. I just have to keep squinting hoping that someday i’ll speak the magic words and the wall will shatter away forever.
