I was painfully shy when I was younger, quiet with huge eyes. I took the world in but didn’t speak about it. As the years progressed my shyness faded into the background and words came easier however I still kept my beliefs my own. I became a master of finding ways to get others to talk and, like a voyeur step into their opinions, thoughts and feelings. I still didn’t really want to share.
Years went by and I found someone to share my life with. We spend a great deal of time together while I listened to his beliefs and thoughts on the world. Occasionally I would start sharing small bits and pieces of mine.  They were different from his and sometimes that was okay but sometimes it wasn’t. The times when my differing ideals seemed to flow easy was when he hadn’t thought about it, liked the way i thought about “it” and therefore adopted my exquisitely chiseled idea as his own. And the times that my ideas/thoughts/beliefs challenged his own, well that was where trouble brewed.
Years flew by as I felt stagnant in my thoughts… or my creativity of thought seemed to slow to a flow more like honey than wine. Â I kept mulling over and over his ideals/thoughts/beliefs and felt that there were always room for more, that ultimately it didn’t matter that we didn’t share the same feelings on everything…..
Years passed still. And like a volcano, I erupted. It was no longer okay to feel rejected over some beliefs and not others, that I was open and he was not, that he kept mine without finding his own…. and selfish as it was I left in a skoosh of personal ideals belting from my mouth as if I were a waterfall.
