June 25th, 2008
Connections flourish when the mind’s pupil stands alert. They flow like a constellation and you, swinging like a monkey from one shiny coincidence to the next. Trust comes after the first few and the fear diminishes as the bounty grows. We are talking of course about following the dream. That one deep inside that makes your body tick and flow. The one that makes you glow. Your cheeks red, your heart slow.
Thankfully we are blessed with the cognitive ability to make the connections meaningful. To follow the road signs that your body points towards as it speaks to nature. My signs come in many forms and right now they are flying at me in spades… in the form of crow feathers. Everywhere I step… there is one sitting there confirming my way. Knowing that I am right, I continue.
June 2nd, 2008
The dog days of self torture and pity are not long gone but fewer and farther between like the coming summer weather. The rain comes around a little less while the sun peaks out occasionally to warm the heart. As the weather changes in my heart there are sudden, unexpected downpours that swamp my head and cause mildew to grow in my lungs. But overall there is more warmth, more hope and more sunny days… I can see the flowers springing out of my heart while my tummy makes way for the pretty butterflies of excitement. Hope clings to me like a heavy perfume overwhelming my sense of being.
During the initial adjustment of change I was overcome with doubt and grief, so much so that I could not even wink. The twinkle of my heart had sank… and though I pulled myself up and out, I had nothing more to give. I could not bear to write thinking I would only have darkness to share or conversely I would swing abruptly to the other side and write only bright and silly things that even Hallmark would find tasteless or flat.
I started pondering with a friend that to write with effort and with feeling one must be tortured and trapped. I must say at this turn on my path that I do not feel so darkly… and I can see the magic that burns beyond the self torture where true beauty stands and only the grateful feeling of self trust remains.
