Fighting my truth

Wet with frustration

Wrought in isolation

Internally

Wearing a mask of smiles

Praying to you

My dreams

Pouring out

My every thought

Dripping with hope

Needing so wholly to believe

What I knew to be true

Many times

Picking the lock

To someone else’s dream

Craving

For that shoe to fit me

So many broken skeleton keys

Lay before my bare feet

The fight is over

Dawn breaking

The Gods gift me reprieve

And lift me toward the heavens

Spilling over with Mead

My dreams lay before me

Eyes wide

Disbelief

Stunned and trepidacious

I step into my destiny

kissing the ground

with tears from cheeks to toes

Soiled dress
Invisible strength
Eat the mud
I go to great lengths

Walled in
Caved in
Everyone’s in
Let’s go in

Troubled Ego
Trapped heart
Scattered thoughts
Don’t even start

Come and go
With great ease
In and out
Whenever you please

Frame my life
Put it in a box
Thirteen keys 
For seven locks

Scented air
Fragrant rose
Painted fingers
Redeem your foes

Much nature
A lot alone
A solid whisper
Just the right tone

Music soothes
Night air calms
The scared weep
Repeat the psalms

Save her life
Discourage yours
Tell me again
Respect your Lord

Desperate kisses
Keep me here
I am of fools
But I don’t fear

A quaint type
Full of surprise
Little one
Of deceit and lies

Mangled face
Tangled hair
Hear the sound
Of the evil stare

Keep coming
Leave me alone
Tell the secrets
Try not to condone

Sell yourself
The Devil awaits
Jesus is free
Call for your fate

Defy the system
Straighten your face
Pretty teeth
This isn’t a race

See the hope
Fell down the hill
Hear the glory
Keep it still

Admire her
Despise the life
The skin of truth
Cuts the knife

Feed the worry
Listen for the one
I know to stay
Until it is done

Propel your life
Towards the sun
Live in hope
Jump the gun

One by one
Until it’s two
Say your sorry
Make believe it’s true

Plan ahead
Draw the curtain
Believe in death
Unless you’re certain

Mix your superstitions
Drown them in sorrow
Brush them away
There is no tomorrow

Express your expression
Held back by support
Approach the bench
Suppress the court

Seem to be real
Tell them your lie
Keep on living
Until you die

Why don’t you speak
Your voice is so numbing
I need not feel
Please, say something

If this is what
It’s all about
I don’t want it
Let me out.

~ Cassie Roundy 1995ish

Gratitude:
Thank you Spirit for your guidance
thank you camille for your patience
thank you tess for your will/determination and bright love
thank you walter for so much….wisdom without words
thank you circle for providing a safety net of love to fall into when learning so many concepts that when learned can be apt to resistance
thank you water for your thirst quenching abilities
thank you pain for reminding me to pay attention
thank you most of all for this schooling opportunity to brighten myself for this big great huge world so that i may be of service to you and you and you

this day is glorious in the sun and brisk wind. the leaves are still clingin with their last bit of strength to the branches that gave them life and i whisk under them on my bike fuiously peddling trying to take in all the beauty and light while i sweat out the yesterday.

the song that i awoke to was simply this lyric
“LET GO
JUMP IN”
and then when gaining conciousness,
“WHAT YOU WAITING FOR…..
THERE’S BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN”
the rest of the song came pouring onto my lips and its been bouncing around ever since.

I am resistant to thanksgiving this year and when reaching for my bike this morning I tweaked my back which is why I thanked my pain earlier for reminding me to pay attention. its not thanksgiving that i feel resistant to, or my family that i feel resistant to its my fear of looking foolish or flat out wrong in the face of someone who adores me knowing i wronged them in some way and for that i apologize.

mom, i apologize to you for not being faithful to the magic that binds us. thank you for always seeing the light in me even when i was dark and lost. in the future i will remember your profound love. thank you Forgive Me.

i am the novel darkness

which covers bone

shades the face.

i am the dark pillar

of creative mystery

which supports the feather wieght immensity

of all potential.

from strong legs

and steadfast ways

i carry myself

as mother,

i am child.

the stream is cold and the perils…

the perils.

it is for me that i cross.

it is for the child i carry

it is for the winter which stalks me

and the passion

which lies dead

in the reeds…

that i cross.

oh clear sighted wisdom,

reach into me.

shake loose these makings

let love be crafted from the weights on my shoulders

release into the deepening waters

… and sink.

silently reflect and know

the light within this nights turning.

freedom is the descent.

now resurrection be known and from

the death of ignorance, passion..

restored.

pulled from the reeds,

a coat of miraculous color 

and the creation of a reality

of which no other is master

and self,

is not denied.

it is one stream

and its well,

is the breast of Spirit.

* a dream poem i wanted to share from the week of the Hierophant. miss you all!!!!

“Waking To Flight”

*When it all started
I was on shaky ground
not sure if I was flying
or falling, falling into the Sound

The ground was soft
at first but then
all of a sudden
it grew before me
trapping me in

I stood there staring
up toward the sky
wondering softly
why oh why
do I feel so small

*When it all started
I was on shaky ground
not sure if i was flying
or falling to the Sound

I was almost comforted
by my fears
of crawling inwards
away from his tears

Then like waking
to an alarm
I jumped up screaming
out of my skin

Angry for all of the
truths that I held
away from him

*When it all started
I was on shaky ground
not sure if i was flying
or falling, falling into the Sound

I look up toward
the star-filled sky
remembering my strength
and feeling oh so full of light

When it all started
I was on shaky ground
not sure if i was falling
but now I know I’m flying high

The first night at the Nine Muses Ranch, I received a message from an ancestor. I was asleep in the Yurt, and he took me into the future to show me drifts of Daffodils planted around the outside of the Yurt. It was beautiful. And he told me that Daffodils should be planted around the Yurt and be allowed to naturalize. This means that once you plant them, you leave them alone. Over time, the bulbs will multiply on their own and the drifts will become more and more beautiful throughout the years. One generation of these bulbs can bloom annually for up to 50 years!

I told Char about my vision and she encouraged me to make it happen. I would like to ask the communities help in making this dream a reality – So far, I’ve purchased 50 bulbs and would like your help to bring as many as we possibly can to Nine Muses. If you would like to contribute, here’s what you can do: Go to any garden store (Swansons, Molbaks, Fred Meyer, Lowes, Home Depot) and purchase as many Daffodil bulbs as you feel comfortable contributing. Most places have bulbs on sale right now at 50% off! Or you can contribute cash to me at next week’s class meeting and I’ll pick up more bulbs. I hope to get them planted in the next few weeks so Char can enjoy a spring bloom this season.

Some varieties which make beautiful drifts and last well are Ice Follies, Tete-a-Tete, Flower Record, Delibes, Unsurpassable, Barrett Browning, Scarlet Gem, Geranium, Cheerfulness, Peeping Tom, Mount Hood, Spellbinder, Carlton, and Viking. Dutch Master or King Alfred Improved is the best bulb for naturalizing if you can find it.

To jumpstart the sharing process, I will share with you a brief email between myself and another dreamer (they can holla back as they wish).  This dreamer dreamed of me last night and contacted via facebook this morning to my delight to share these thoughts:

The Fractured Beauty of Fallen Stars

Stars
Souls born of the ecstasy of the earth and sky
Wheeling, Burning, Shining, Pure
Falling
Wrapped in flesh
To learn, to grow
To shine through eyes and laughter and tears
Careening through the galaxy of humanity

Some will shine
Despite the pain
Some will guide, light a way
For the lost to a better horizon
Some will comfort
Some will grieve
Some will burn out too soon
Others burn as suns for all to see

Find your star
Reach past the pain
The ugliness you have seen
Find your beauty
Condemn not the world
*You are beauty*
*You are Light*
*If you will but believe yourself to be*
*Shine as brightly as I know you can*
*Bravely in the Black *
*Shine not for me*
*Burn not for them*
*Radiate your inner light*
*For YOU*
*There is laughter in the stars*
*There is joy and beauty in you*
*Just close your eyes*
*Breathe*
*Shine*

Thank you, Dreamer for sharing your very open heart with me!  THANK YOU!

I watch her.  She proves to me over and over to just stand in truth, as best you can and everything else will undoubtedly fall into place.  Like puzzle pieces magically aligning to their partners to make the picture come into focus much faster than if you were to manhandle with dexterity and control each piece.  She stands for herself and the magic pulls the pieces into the prettiest picture and I am drooling all over it with my cucumber eyes.

Now it’s my turn.  I am grabbing for the reigns of control knowing that if I just trust and let go.. I will find my own pretty picture.